What a strange holiday time it has been this year. Not that I think there is any such thing as a “normal” holiday, but truly, this one is a weirdo.
As a background, the weather in central Texas this year is unseasonably warm, even for us. It seems odd to not even need a sweater in December. But, I realize this is an El Nino year and besides that, we have global warming to thank for increasingly strange weather patterns.
As to the exterior, or wrappings and trappings of the season, things have been strained, at best. There is no veneer of sanity here.
I have been in and out of the hospital with my damned pancreas and when out of the hospital, still in pain and nauseated. I cannot eat normal food and have not had very many nights of decent sleep in the last month or so.
All of this drags me down and unfortunately it takes my loved ones down too.
No matter how hard I try to keep things cheerful, they know. They see me hurt and know I don’t sleep. It is obvious to everyone I am popping more pain and nausea pills and that I cannot eat what I cook.
The weirdest side effect I have had of late has been a crazy amount of sweating. It may be menopause but I don’t think that would just kick on one day and go non-stop.
Something is seriously amiss.
This means another doctor and another set of tests and another set of questions. Should I google it?
Should I read up on what my latest blood work may be pointing to?
Arrgh.
Probably not.
I can and I do, but I really don’t want to know.
So, I will make those appointments with all the right folks and go from there.
Oh, and when and how am I going to go about getting a port a cath? (Indwelling and permanent IV line). I really need one. But, that is another doctor and another set of tests and another outpatient operation.
And so, on it goes.
The kids are anxious and my husband is tired. And although I know I am not at fault for making their lives more difficult, it still weighs heavy on my heart that my health is such a difficult thing for all of us.
Jingle…
I don’t feel much like jingling.
So, I have been manufacturing some jingle…
We have made a ton of cookies and a ton of latkes and have had a ton of poorly wrapped packages that I purchased online. We celebrate Chranukkah (Christmas and Hanukkah) at our house so we try to embrace it all.
I have made it a point to buy something silly for everyone on my list. I got the girls, (in their 20’s) footie pajamas with hoods that have ears and my 16 year old son got a Jeddai snuggie.
Our cookies have eyeballs on them and look a little satanic and strange.
This sort of thing makes us happy around here.
And, it is important.
It keeps us all grounded.
When my aunt suddenly has to go into the ER and spend the night in the hospital, I have to do what I can to keep us from all going nuts.
When our family of origin become the last people on earth who would lift a finger to help and it hurts, it pays to remember the good.
There is a lot of good.
My kids are healthy!
My husband is employed and healthy!
We have a nice house and nice animals and we can pay most of the bills!
None of this is stuff we should ever take for granted.
I used to think that when you reached a set point of ‘bad stuff’ you had hit your quota and there wouldn’t be anymore.
Yeah, well…. that was a long time ago.
I know better now. And I also know that we are damned lucky.
But that still doesn’t make me too excited about jingling all the way…
After all, I think jingling is highly over rated.
I am more of a light it up and burn the house down with brightness kind of girl.
But, since Hanukkah has come and gone for another year and Christmas is a few days away, I will give it my best shot and try jingle, jiggle (I’m good at that!) and twinkle all the way.
Ho! Ho! Ho!