I Think I Can….

I have been trying to write a new post for a couple of months now.  For some reason, nothing I have written has really come together.  This little entry will be different.  I will just write until I am done and post it regardless of its quality:).

The holidays were really busy for us.  It has been a busy and exciting year.  First, hanukkah came early, right on the heels of Thanksgiving.  We invited our friends from Houston to come and share the final night of the festival of lights with us and I cooked a large meal.  It was very nice.  My latke-making, non-Jewish husband had a rough time this year and we ended up just having a single latke per person.  That was fine though because everything else went really well.

Next, I swung into action to get ready to take Christmakkuh on the road.  Our daughter’s new in-laws were coming from Brazil and we took the Austin based branch of the family to Colorado Springs to meet them.  Our little SUV was heavily laden with four adults, one chihuahua and lots of presents and cold weather clothes.  It was a very nice trip and we enjoyed meeting the Silva branch of the family immensely.  Now I want to go to Brazil!

Now, it is back to reality.  I am back at work and trying to tame the semester.  I have more to do than previous semesters, which is fine, really.  I just get frustrated at my body’s lack of cooperation.  For a job where I sit down in my own house you would think I wouldn’t get so tired, but I do.  For some reason I am still struggling with sleep deprivation.  When I don’t sleep everything seems to spiral out of control.

Monday, (non work day) I had a check in with my pain doctor.  He is very well educated and widely read as a doctor and I am grateful to him in many ways.  He helped me get off of the drugs that were cross listed and making me a zombie several years ago.  (Well, actually I took myself off of them after he explained to me what was happening.)  In any case, my appointment with him Monday reminded me yet again that many doctors, and many men, who are also doctors, don’t have any idea how to speak to women.  He was horrible.  He didn’t ask; he TOLD me I was going to try a new medication that would magically solve all of my problems.  It is not FDA approved (which is OK, in and of itself) and that there was no way to find a dosage for me other than just to take it and have someone near me in case it goes badly.  He spoke down to me and interrupted me.  He told me that I am, “a bundle of nerves and too freaked out to talk to him.”  I pointed out that I have no problem talking to people but that I have PTSD with doctors.  He promptly said, “this drug will fix that.” When I  tried to ask him about my sleep issues he said, “you should not even be talking to me about that.  It isn’t your concern.”

WTF?  It most certainly is my concern!

I am at a crossroads here.  I don’t think I can change doctors within this practice.  I also have another doctor in another specialty in this same practice who I really like so I don’t want to jeapordize that.  I guess I will just try to avoid him and see his PA when possible.

What an asshole.  I will try his miracle medicine and see what happens,  I am certainly not scared to try something new.

But, it is so ironic because the only prescription pain medication I have anymore is non addictive and it really does not work.  I rarely take it.  I have gotten used to pain.  It has to be pretty bad for me to reach for something.  I just don’t want to go down that road. As far as going to a hospital goes: forget it!

I really want to wrap up this long winded entry.  In an hour I have a televisit with my rheumatologist.  I have a few questions for him but nothing earth shattering will happen.  He always treats me as an intelligent person, which is refreshing!  I plan to ask his opinion about this “miracle drug” that has been recommended to me.  I certainly got the feeling that Dr. Demanding was not taking the whole picture of my health into account when he decided I should jump onto his latest band wagon.

We’ll see.  I find this dr. very reasonable.  Besides, he really IS a doctor on tv.

No joke, he is on a commercial.

Well, I didn’t promise you a rose garden, did I?  Nope, just a long winded non sensical blog.  I can think of so many other topics to cover but for now I will wish all of you well.  Stay healthy! Stay sane!

And just say no to Assholes!