I have not written here in a while. I have been too busy fighting and living. I have been down in the trenches of the immune system wars, fighting back, setting mine fields and running back to my trench, hoping the bombs go off and hit the enemy and not me.
What do I mean by this?
I have decided to change my approach and see if maybe I can gain some traction over what at times feels like a an out of control freight train.
I have been fighting the pain in my body.
This past Friday I had a procedure done on my bladder. It is designed to help stop the constant bladder spasms I have that are called ‘Interstitial Cystitis’ or IC. IC is what causes me to often have inflammation in my bladder and up into my back and kidneys. I am not necessarily infected, just in pain. The cause is autoimmune and means that the bladder lining is torn and ragged in places. In other words, my body is attacking its own tissue.
I had tried this procedure in 2011 and gotten relief so I decided to go for it again. After knocking me out, the urologist fills my bladder up like a balloon with sterile water. She then drains it and refills it with a solution of soothing medication and wakes me up. I have to hold that in for an hour and a half. Trust me, you Do Not want to pee after all that.
The procedure itself is painful but I believe is starting to provide relief. The idea behind it is that the bladder will regrow its lining and you will get to start over with a lining that is not all fractured and broken.
In two weeks, I see the doctor again and she will fill my bladder with a solution in the office. This will provide more soothing medication and we will see from there. The last time I had it done, I went through six weeks of these ‘instillations’ in her office. They are miserable but seemed to put me in remission so well worth the effort.
This coming Tuesday I am having another procedure. For this one I am having a nerve blocking shot, guided by radiography, into my right spleen area. The shot will contain some cortisone and hopefully help with my right sided pain. I am going to be knocked out for this one too. They offered to do it with me awake but I declined!
If it doesn’t work, there are more options. I figure it is worth a try.
I was scheduled to have yet another surgery on that side of my body but decided I was tired of trying to fix whatever the hell is going on over there. No one really seems to know what it is and it has not killed me yet, so I just decided that blocking the pain is good enough for now.
I have to just live my life and quit worrying about getting myself all ‘fixed.”
Fixing everything is NOT going to happen.
I will settle for just feeling pain free.
In the meantime, I am taken an increased dose of pain medicine and I itch like crazy. Is it the pain med?
I don’t know. Should I pursue a doctor’s appointment about it?
Perhaps.
But, my feelings these days run along the lines of survival is not good enough even if it doesn’t come with a modicum of comfort.
Thus, pain control and sleep are my top priorities.
I want the rest of it to go the fuck away.
It won’t, of course.
But hey, at least I am getting some new ammunition and continue the fight.