I am a Volcano dweller.

You probably didn’t know.

I don’t look very Hawaiian: but I am.  I am the first ever Jewish pacific  islander  volcano woman.

I live deep inside the crater on the big island.

Just now things are really heating up.  I don’t know what to do.

Should I stay inside where I have been for so long?  Or, should I peak my head out over the crater, my home, and see what is happening.

I mean, it might be fun to be a part of the mainstream again.  But, man o’ man is it hot out there.   How long would it take for me to flow to the bottom and who knows if I  could make it intact enough to start a new life on the outside.

Today I was feeling brave and so I climbed my way up the wall, out and above the edge where I make my home: it is protected and has its own air conditioning and plenty of cushy couches and water, all kinds of things that make it almost like it would be if I lived comfortably on the outside, where the earth dwellers live.

You see, I used to be one of them.  But stuff happened and it began to be easier to just stay inside the mountain: the center… the heart beat of the island.  I have been here so long I don’t even look like an earth dweller any more. Instead, I am covered in a red flame.  It is like a rash all over my former body that never leaves.  I am hardly recognizable,even to myself, after all of this time.

It was certainly tempting when I looked out over the edge.   It made me sort of sad and yet sort of hopeful.  Maybe this is my time to  return.  Or, says the voice of disbelief in my head, maybe I never will be ready and will always be stuck inside, too scared to flow out again and circulate and become a real functioning human again.

Could I handle it?

I honestly do not know.

But maybe, just maybe, I will join the flow and see where it takes me.