My “Trippy” Life
Okay, you, dear reader, are probably thinking, “she has truly lost her shit this time. What could she possibly be referring to”
Well I will tell you.
This is something I did not plan on broadcasting but the more I thought about it the more I realized it is probably a common issue for many of us with chronic health conditions.
I guess I will just say it.
I tried using weed for pain and anxiety.
Let me go back a few steps:
This story begins last October when my husband and I were in Colorado. And let me be VERY CLEAR that I NEVER used a pain drug of ANY kind (I was off the strong stuff by then) or any sort of anxiety med with marijuana. That would be beyond stupid.
But, while we were in the land of legal pot we figured it was worth a shot.
Turns out, it really helped. I didn’t want to get high. I just wanted to feel better. (Well, in the interest in being clear and honest, I did try getting high once… it wasn’t my thang..).
But when I got back home, it was back to the dark ages. Texas does not even have it legalized when prescribed by a doctor.
So, It has been awhile in the past and I am no longer doing it so I had sort of forgotten about it.
But I thought about it again because the news has been trumpeting about the dangers of vaping and particularly the dangers of vaping thc. That scares me quite a bit. I am not scared for myself. I am scared for all of the young people I know who do it regularly.
I was vaping it after we got back from our trip and I was still trying to figure out how to get the effect I got from the closely monitored and edible stuff I got in Colorado.
I wasn’t using the cartridges; I was using a vape thingie that you could heat up and then stuff the weed in and smoke it. It didn’t work too well. (Well, this was all after I made a disastrous attempt at making brownies. They were AWFUL! )
Anyway, at one point I discussed the problems with the vape method I was using with a few of the younger people in my life that I know use weed on a regular basis and they told me I was going about the vaping thing the wrong way. They all use the cartridges and they say it cuts down on mess and smell.
I was intrigued but not intrigued enough to bother trying it. To be honest, I still have a little of my stash left; I just haven’t used it.
I have a pain management agreement with a doctor and I don’t want to violate it.
The last time I used any weed was late, late one restless night and I couldn’t find the vape pen and I really wanted to use it to sleep … (I suffer from BAD insomnia and I no longer take sleeping meds). I was sorta desperate and not thinking too well. I started looking online for ways to make a blunt. (I found out that is what a joint is called these days… ) .
I didn’t have the right material unless I wanted to desecrate a Bible 🙁 ( I am bad but not that bad).
I kept reading and I came across something that looked easy.
I could make a bong from an apple!
Yes. I tried it.
I found myself in my kitchen at 2:00 a.m. one morning, sucking through an apple.
At that moment I guess I decided I felt ridiculous enough to say my career with trying to smoke weed (and I don’t really like to smoke anything) was over.
But, I have to say, one thing going for the apple bong is that it is immensely practical. Once you are done smoking it, you can take care of the munchies too. It is even environmentally friendly!
But back to the vaping and the cartridges and the use of marijuana in general.
That is really what I want to talk about here.
Our country is in a health crisis.
We do not have health care for everyone and even those who have it have difficulty accessing it and getting the proper care.
So a lot of people have to look at alternative ways to treat themselves for things like chronic pain, anxiety and insomnia.
I always thought I was NOT one of those people. I have been incredibly blessed with stellar insurance through my husband’s work. I have had access to all kinds of therapy and medication. If I hadn’t I would be dead now, literally.
But, you know what? American medicine has its limits.
I was given too much for too long and it made me worse.
I completely understand why people self medicate with alcohol and with illegal drugs. Sometimes, it is their only viable option and sometimes they can’t find anything else that works.
This is not good news on any level.
No one should be thrown in jail for trying to deal with their physical or psychological pain; provided they have not harmed or endangered another person.
I know these waters get muddied pretty quickly.
We do not deal with the things we fear most as individuals, i.e, pain that is physical and pain that is psychological, and so as a society we view the inability to conquer them as some sort of moral failing. And for some, unfathomable reason, it is more acceptable to take a prescribed pill that turns you into a muttering zombie than it is to ingest an herb that makes you a bit silly (or morose) depending on your chemical make up.
Both chemical compounds are addictive in the physical and mental sense.
Neither one is safe and neither one are particularly good for you.
What is good for you? Talk therapy and an active spiritual life of some kind. Those two solutions have been well studied. Oh, and compassion and love from someone important in your life. That is a biggee.
Back to vaping…
So there are dire warnings come out of several states about the dangers of vaping thc.
Why in the hell didn’t the CDC look at this before?
Why did people have to die or be horribly maimed first?
Hmmm.
I don’t know. I do know that it is frightening and that young people are the same as I was at the same age. You think you are invincible or that you will stop your bad habits when you have to… later..
I had a lot of those thoughts. Boy do I wish I could have some of my bad habits back!
I would just like to have a glass of wine and some fondue. with some nice french bread. That is out of range now.
Of course I am an extreme case… in every way! But, I am scared for all my friends who use it that way.
I do not judge them. Not at all!
I just wish our system worked better and they could get whatever help they need another way.
Or, I wish whatever is stopping them would unstop.
I guess I want the same things as any other mother or aunt or friend.
I remember my mom used to say to me,” I hate it when things are hard for you baby.”
I always thought that was an odd response to the obvious fact that life is just… you know… life. But now I get it.
I cannot clear the way for anyone else but I did decide today to share my little story.
I didn’t want to go into great detail but I decided it couldn’t hurt to show my own vulnerability and foibles.
All I will tell you is that some concentrations of CBD seem to help insomnia and they are incredibly expensive. I don’t think they are priced fairly. It is open season on these things because they are unregulated and only recently became legal here in Texas.
I don’t know what my musings have done here. Perhaps they are useless. That’s ok. At least I have formulated my thoughts into a coherent format. As usual, your thoughts, responses and experiences are very welcome and appreciated.
I wish you days of little pain and lots of energy!