Emptying The Nest

Over the last year we (my husband and I) have been in the process of becoming empty nest’ers.’

I say it has been a process because last August both of our children moved but we kept another one in the nest on reserve.

Our daughter moved back to her University where she had gotten her degree and after a two year hiatus decided to take them up on the offer of a free ride Master’s program.  I am so happy she did this.  Her life is going  well on all fronts.  I really think she has flown away for good this time.  She is the sweetest of the sweet and calls every day, which I love.  Normally, she comes home a lot and stays for a week or more between semesters.  With Covid that is no longer possible due to exposure risk for me.  However, she is not alone.  She has a lovely boyfriend and her sweet dog.  I know she is okay; I just miss her.

Our son, who is five years younger than our daughter, moved to a city four hours away to attend a technical college.  His girlfriend moved with him.  They have made their own nest and are surrounded by family.  I have one of my (two total) cousins there.  She is like a sister to me and she and her husband, who has a vast family in the area, have welcomed the kids in an amazing way.  He is comfortable and tells me he will not be coming home.  He lived with us for twenty years (almost) and was ready to fly under his own power.  I know he gets homesick, especially now, but he is doing well.

However, the nest was still not empty completely, which has been a blessing.  My cousin’s oldest daughter (she has four kiddos) had lived with us before but this time she had to stay longer due to all kinds of circumstances in her life.  It has been so nice to have another kid around. We refer to her as my niece.  She hasn’t complained about being indoctrinated into our family idiosyncrasies but has embraced them. In fact, our kids have readily been calling her, big sister, even to the extent that they argue with her. She has been nice to talk to and advise and talk girl stuff with.  She spent months studying for the  LSAT exam and applying to law schools.  She was successful and will be moving in a few days so she can begin law school at the very beginning of August.   I am proud of her.   I will miss her and I hope she remembers to call “home.”

So by the end of next week, our nest will be completely emptied.  I don’t know what to think.  My identity has been very much wrapped up in being a mom.  I guess that won’t change.  However, I do have a little job and my writing to keep me busy.  I am hoping with all the spare time and energy I can commit to more of the things I would like to do.  I am just a bit  scared.

My husband is an introvert and I am…. not.  He is not a talker unless it is a subject where he has some interest.  He is also not an active listener.  I don’t mean that as slander.  I mean it as fact.  We are very different and communicate very differently as well as approach things differently.  I am afraid all of these differences might become overwhelming with just the two of us stuck at home all the time due to friggin’ Covid.

My husband has many, many more pluses than minuses.  In fact, we often have fun together.  It just has to be the right circumstances.  I just wonder who will listen to me when I want to jabber in an illogical fashion?  I used to just call my dad or my mom or my aunt.  I can’t do that anymore.  They are gone and the telephone in heaven is not connected to my cell network.

I  sometimes  feel so lonely at home.  Now there won’t be anyone to talk to at all.  My husband functions on logic and I just don’t.  I never will.  I don’t even want to.

It is going to be a long, hot summer.  I am going to do a lot of yoga with Adrienne on YouTube.  She reminds me to breathe deep, find my center and ground myself.  I need those reminders and I need the physical exercise.  I don’t have too many opportunities to walk in the heat of the summer.  Life will continue on and I will be fine as long as my kids are fine and my husband is both healthy and employed.  We are so very fortunate.

I just have to learn to internalize my external ways of speaking and wanting to be reassured that someone is completely focused on what I have to say.  At the end of the day it is sort of selfish if you look at that way.  But, it is also very human.  And, I am: Very human and very fallible.

I ask G-d for strength and help and stamina on this new journey.