Step on a Crack and …

You remember the saying, right? “Step on a crack and you’ll break your mother’s back.”

I guess one of my kids must have stepped on one.  I have had an increase in back pain over the last couple of months so I called the pain doctor to ask how to deal with it. The PA called back and said that after looking at my files I needed a CT of my spine.  The level of osteoporosis I have is simply going to cause breakdowns, she said.

It took a lot of shennanigans to get the CT done and to extract the results from the doctor’s office.  Apparently, the diagnosis was not a problem for them so they were not in any hurry to notify me.

When I finally spoke to someone I found out I have compression fracture in my L2, so very low down and just above the area I broke in 2016.  I was sort of surprised to hear I am walking around broken.

I was even more surprised to hear that the doctor’s office seem to think it was no biggie.  I was told more than once, “yeah well, it is just a chronic injury for you so you will just have to deal.”

At the moment we are on a much needed vacation and I am just ‘dealing’ with it.  I will go see the orthopedist when we get back home.  I realize there may be no real fix but I want to explore all of the options.  I am sure as hell not going to accept the situation as is without trying to make things better.

In one way it is just yet another thing to add to my list.  But it is also something I feel sort of resentful about.  I only have advanced osteoporosis because of the malabsorbtion issues I have thanks to my mostly dead pancreas.  Why does my back have to break too?

Now I am terrified of falling.

I don’t like feeling fragile.

I know I have mentioned that before.

I have become very driven about getting exercise and eating well in the last few years.  In fact, this year of the pandemic seems to have made all of the things I have wanted to put into practice finally gel.  I am exercising three or four times a week and I keep my diet pretty limited to things I know are good for me and just don’t eat anything else.

This has made me stronger, faster, leaner and improved my energy levels.

However there are still issues to contend with.

Like I have said before, there will always be issues and I have to accept them as part of the picture and keep moving. That is: I choose to keep moving. I choose to live my life and not cower in fear of the next break or the next flare or the next infection.  There is no point in that.

We just spent two blissful weeks on vacation.. just me and the hubs.  It was so awesome to be vaccinated and out and about in states like, New Mexico and Colorado that have actual laws about mask wearing and social distancing.  Gee, it was like being in a land of rational people:  Imagine that!

There was snow up in the Colorado mountains every day we were there but it was so pretty and blissful because we didn’t have to do anything:)

Vacations should be a right.  I realize I am lucky to take them.  I feel bad for people who don’t ever get to. Without those times and experiences I don’t think my mental health would be intact after the last year.  And after those two weeks of relaxation I became aware that a lot of my ‘issues’ with my day to day health fell away. This tells me what I already knew: Stress is the biggest bugabear in my life.  I think it is probably true of us all.

So how do we rid our lives of stress, or of dis-ease as one psychologist called it?

I haven’t the faintest.