March 13, 2013 Mayo date for this year.

Well, I have a date with a GI doc in Jacksonville.  I was able to move up the date significantly by calling the nice appointments lady back just once.  It seems things are taking shape for this trip.

In addition, my sweet, sweet cousin, is taking me.  I can’t believe it.  I have made both of the previous trips alone.  It totally sucked but I had to do it.  My cousin is more like a sister to me and as we have aged we have both realized, I think, that we don’t have a lifetime left to ‘see each other later.’

Anyway, she is going.  I cannot even begin to explain the peace of mind this gives me. I think we are going to drive from my cousin’s house near Beaumont, TX and I will ride along.  I already have my room reserved at Mayo Inn.  It was so SAD.  Georgia, at the front desk at Mayo Inn, recognized me:( ACK.

My cousin can go home when she needs to and I can fly back with a one way ticket.

Now begins the self talk that drives me nuts, “do I really, really need to do this? ”  I keep wondering if I just take more steroids or go back to San Antonio or push harder on my doctors here, maybe I can get it solved in Texas.

I actually got a call back from the surgeon in San Antonio yesterday.  The remembered who I was!  They wanted to schedule me for a biopsy.  This is after I called them every day for over a week and they couldn’t find a file indicating I was ever their patient.

But, oh, I hate to spend all this money and time in Florida.  I feel like it had better be worth it.

I am familiar with all the stages of this process now: A. Sick and no diagnosis.  B.  Talking to specialist after specialist here in Austin. C. Hospital. D. Growing awareness that I may need to go back to Mayo.  E. Decision to go.  F. Appointment wrangling and details. G. Self doubt and guilt.

Rinse, repeat.

I am too tired to make good decisions right now.  And what is really bugging me, besides pain?

I’m gaining weight.

I know, that’s deep.  Really deep.  I look like the  Goodyear blimp.

Do I really have to go to Mayo again?

Yes. Yes I do.