Sleepless in…. a battle… with broccoli clad goddesses

Sleep is a wonderful thing.  Don’t you agree?  I find it is the universal equalizer.  It can make or break me. If I am sleeping well, and for me that  is like ten hours a night, I can keep going without  getting too sick. However,  when something gets in the way of that good sleep, I am screwed.

I start to have more pain and end up with a host of unwelcome symptoms.

The thing is, sleep issues are part and parcel of the disease(s) I have.  Lately, I have found that I am reactive to every new medication that gets introduced to my system.  This time it has been a formerly “easy” antibiotic.  By the time I reached day five, I just could not sleep.  I couldn’t turn off.  I had two nights of on again and off again sleep.  This caused pain to flare and joint pain like fire and stomach issues…. fun.

I even had some psychedelic dreams.  They were LSD worthy:)  I dreamed my aunt was dressed in a broccoli costume, very elaborate, and feeding me broccoli soup as I lounged pathetically on the floor. Seriously, I am not making this up!

Last night, after lying awake all night and feeling like crap, I realized what the problem was.  Of  course it was too late to fix it;  Now my body is in full flare mode.

This is bad.  My husband is leaving town for work for a week and I am in charge of house and kids with zero help.  My daughter is sick and my son is starting back to school.

I also accepted a job (which I can do from home).

Should I freak out?

NO… I should sleep. But it ain’t that easy.  I just have to get through the days and do the best I can. If I have learned anything on this ride, it is that the ride just keeps going.  I can get tossed and feel pretty shitty but I have to climb  up and get back on.

I don’t honestly think I will die from the fall.  It won’t be that neat.  I used to think, “there is no way I can be sick like this the rest of my life.  I am either going to get better or die.”  Now I know the truth.  I am not going to get much better.  I am also not going to die anytime soon.

This is my life.

I have to learn to live it the best I can.

That has been a huge revelation to me.  I think getting to that point has helped realize I need to attend some sort of support group.  In fact, my therapist has just such a group ready made.  I have known this but I have been avoiding it.

For the last fourteen years she has been running a free group for people with disabilities and chronic illness that meets every Friday at the JCC (Jewish Community Center).  She has invited me to join.

I kept thinking my chronic illness would go away.  Guess what?  It hasn’t.  I know in my heart of hearts I need to go to that group.

It is going to help.

But I have to take the next step and get myself there.



One Reply to “Sleepless in…. a battle… with broccoli clad goddesses”

  1. I love your title about broccoli clad goddesses. Nice writing! But seriously, I think your idea of joining a support group is very important. Are there online groups that you can join, message boards or something? You’re going through a lot right now and it’s heartbreaking to read. I wish I could be more help. Maybe you could get some in home help now and then, or the kids could learn to do a little bit more. I wonder if there is somebody you could barter with. Anyway – I admire your attitude and strength. I’ll keep in touch! Sending hugs!

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