Sleep is a wonderful thing. Don’t you agree? I find it is the universal equalizer. It can make or break me. If I am sleeping well, and for me that is like ten hours a night, I can keep going without getting too sick. However, when something gets in the way of that good sleep, I am screwed.
I start to have more pain and end up with a host of unwelcome symptoms.
The thing is, sleep issues are part and parcel of the disease(s) I have. Lately, I have found that I am reactive to every new medication that gets introduced to my system. This time it has been a formerly “easy” antibiotic. By the time I reached day five, I just could not sleep. I couldn’t turn off. I had two nights of on again and off again sleep. This caused pain to flare and joint pain like fire and stomach issues…. fun.
I even had some psychedelic dreams. They were LSD worthy:) I dreamed my aunt was dressed in a broccoli costume, very elaborate, and feeding me broccoli soup as I lounged pathetically on the floor. Seriously, I am not making this up!
Last night, after lying awake all night and feeling like crap, I realized what the problem was. Of course it was too late to fix it; Now my body is in full flare mode.
This is bad. My husband is leaving town for work for a week and I am in charge of house and kids with zero help. My daughter is sick and my son is starting back to school.
I also accepted a job (which I can do from home).
Should I freak out?
NO… I should sleep. But it ain’t that easy. I just have to get through the days and do the best I can. If I have learned anything on this ride, it is that the ride just keeps going. I can get tossed and feel pretty shitty but I have to climb up and get back on.
I don’t honestly think I will die from the fall. It won’t be that neat. I used to think, “there is no way I can be sick like this the rest of my life. I am either going to get better or die.” Now I know the truth. I am not going to get much better. I am also not going to die anytime soon.
This is my life.
I have to learn to live it the best I can.
That has been a huge revelation to me. I think getting to that point has helped realize I need to attend some sort of support group. In fact, my therapist has just such a group ready made. I have known this but I have been avoiding it.
For the last fourteen years she has been running a free group for people with disabilities and chronic illness that meets every Friday at the JCC (Jewish Community Center). She has invited me to join.
I kept thinking my chronic illness would go away. Guess what? It hasn’t. I know in my heart of hearts I need to go to that group.
It is going to help.
But I have to take the next step and get myself there.
OY.
I love your title about broccoli clad goddesses. Nice writing! But seriously, I think your idea of joining a support group is very important. Are there online groups that you can join, message boards or something? You’re going through a lot right now and it’s heartbreaking to read. I wish I could be more help. Maybe you could get some in home help now and then, or the kids could learn to do a little bit more. I wonder if there is somebody you could barter with. Anyway – I admire your attitude and strength. I’ll keep in touch! Sending hugs!