Lots to catch up on

This has been an eventful six weeks or so.  I started but never completed a couple of posts.  Let me summarize:

1. I spent a week in the hospital with a kidney infection.

2. My interstitial cystitis (torn bladder and bladder spasms) is in full swing.

3. My insurance company is stalling and I have no infusion medication so I am open to all infections.

That is just a taste of the medical fun.  In addition, my daughter started college!  My son started the eighth grade.  My husband is busy trying to keep us afloat.  It has been a tough time. Frankly, I have been depressed.  I feel as though I cause more trouble to my family than I am actually worth these days.  The bills are mounting up and I am no longer able to work.  Even though I am on disability, it still is not enough.

I get tired of the pain and the isolation and the fatigue.  It seems there is never an end.  There is never a day where I am going to be ‘cured.’ I have to live with that and try to go one day at a time.  Sometimes that is very difficult.

I have been in the ER twice this past week with horrendous pain. My bladder and kidneys are in spasms due to the infections I have had.  I have pain medication for it but not enough.  I have done everything every doctor has asked me to and still it is not enough.

Today, at the request of my Urologist, I called my pain specialist.  The Urologist wanted me to call and ask for more medicine until my new medications can take effect.  His response? “Use a hot compress.”

Rrrright. I would like to see him put a hot compress on his torn and bleeding bladder.

I have also been fighting insurance all week.  I have made multiple calls to multiple people to try and get them to send my infusion medication.  This med is the one that keeps me from being really, really sick.

It is demeaning to explain it over and over to people who do not care.

I am depressed.  I hurt.  I just don’t want to keep doing all of this forever.

I am sorry if this post is not clever or cute.  I don’t feel clever or cute.  I feel flattened.

The End.