Laughing at myself at the salad bar:)

I have been trying really hard to lose weight.  This is not a new issue for me.  But, it did get more complicated by some of the medication I have had to take these last few years.  Some of the drugs I take cause appetite increase and I didn’t even know it.  Some, like prednisone, are notorious.

Last year, I was on prednisone for five months.

Some of the drugs that actually help me with pain and mobility, I just won’t take.  They make me blow up like a balloon.

So, long story short (short and fat, actually!) I am counting Weight Watchers’ points online.  Weight Watchers is my old friend.  I think I have been on every program they have ever had!

This is the first time I have done the on line program exclusively.  I like it.  It is better than paying every week for those horrible weigh ins!

I have lost about six pounds in eight weeks, which is ok.  I have to be careful because I have eating disorders.  As a young woman I was bulimic.  I even tried anorexia but I was never committed to it.  (I am NOT belittling that disease).

So, here I am, trying to do this on my own and on Thursday I had my son with me and we were in downtown Austin.  I had to see a doctor and my fourteen year old was out of school for fall break so I thought it would be nice to take him to the Whole Foods on 6th… (the Mother Ship). When we got there lunch was just starting and breakfast was still laid out.  My son was still a teen-aged zombie from being awakened by his rude mommy ahead of his own body clock.

I was casting around for something gluten free and that I could count the points.  The devil bitch that keeps me fat was sitting on one of shoulders saying, “Fuck it, man, you are in this food paradise, get something goood.”

On my other shoulder, my weight watcher angel, who is sometimes soft spoken, was saying, “No, don’t listen to her.  She makes very bad choices and then you don’t like yourself.”

My son wandered over with a plate of deviled eggs.  Deviled eggs?  WTF?

I asked him, “Is that all you want while we are in here?”


“Okay,” I said.  “I will decide.”   Then I saw the salad bar.  It is huge and sort of mind boggling.  I grabbed a recycled, earth conscious piece of cardboard that is supposed to be a plate and started to load it down.

I was getting really excited.  These were all zero point value.  I could have my Weight Watchers’ and eat it too:)  I even got crazy and added some tofu and cottage cheese, which I knew I would have to count.

My son was shadowing me at this point so I hurried to find the oil and vinegar. Thinking I had spied them, I walked quickly to the next long buffet table and started pouring what I thought was vinegar. Oddly, it smelled funny.  My son said, “Umm Mom…”

I looked up from my happy and righteous salad fueled haze and noticed what he had already seen, I was at the breakfast buffet, pouring maple syrup on my salad.

Well, shit.

I did add some vinegar because I thought it might help.  Then I proceeded to just dump it.  However, my son has a higher set of moral standards than I do.  He got very freaked out.  As we went to the cash register to buy the $3.00 drinks and $7.00 deviled eggs, I confessed my mistake to the cashier.  He said, “you don’t have to eat that.”

Then he offered to ring it up and then I could go back.  It was $15.00 worth of vegetables and maple syrup!

I declined his offer.  I came back, head bowed in humility, with yogurt and a gluten free oatmeal bar.

This whole incident brought something up in me that has been on sabbatical for a while.  My sense of humor. I realized the next night when I went over my points value by eating cereal at night (not even gluten free) that hating myself for my idiot or bad habits just isn’t working.

I have to love myself and treat myself with good humor.  After all, this is the only body I have.  It is FAR from perfect, but I am trying.  Every, single day  I am trying to take care of it and doing the best I can.  If I screw up, I should laugh and move on.

I think this is true of most things in our lives; even the grim ones.  If we cannot find the humor in them, we are screwed.

My revised understand of  this is “it  ain’t over yet, baby.” What I mean is,  life just beats the crap out of us until we become grim and bitter; and we just cannot let it take us that way.  If we do, we are already dead.

Life really is too short.

So, I am an idiot who pours maple syrup on a salad. I think that is funny.  But, I won’t do it again!

More than likely, I will do something much worse:)