Ah, Summer! It is here. With all of its glory and heat and extra special humidity this year.
I cannot say that I feel any less stressed or “off of work” like I used to. I am still home schooling my teenager. He didn’t finish everything but we are going at a more leisurely pace.
My college aged daughter is back home, which is lovely and at the same time stressful. She is at that pivotal point in her life when she is almost ready to fly completely solo, but not quite.
Vacation, lovely beachy vacation, is already come and gone.
And what did it leave in its innocent wake?
Snot.
That’s right.
It left: Snot.
Let me paint the scene for you.
Picture a perfect day on a perfect boat in a perfect ride chasing after perfectly charming wild dolphins:
The idea is that you (and other boats doing the same thing) run around after the dolphin pods that seem oblivious or think it amusing, and when the captain tells you, “jump, jump!” you drop out of the boat into the crystal clear and cool water and the dolphins simply swim around and through you.
It’s sort of crazy but very charming. They give you snorkel equipment if you like and you just go for it.
Then there’s me. I tried to go for it. I am a good swimmer and basically fearless when it comes to anything water related. At the first stop, I jumped. I also tanked a bunch of sea water up my nose and into my ears. Normally this would not have bothered me. But, in the era of chronic disease Katie, I knew it was bad. I also knew my energy was already pretty tapped out.
I had infused the day before and yet still hiked up and down the beach. I was pushing and afraid to push too far lest my body pushed back with a giant “SCREW YOU!”
So, I had a couple of choices. I could: A. Feel sorry for myself and whine. B. Put on my big girl pants and gracefully hand other folks their equipment each time we stopped. C. Figure out how to land somewhere in between the two.
I tried to go for “C” with a healthy dose of “B”.
I got back out of the boat when the captain parked us near a beach and we could get out and explore the area. I still made a sloppy mess of getting in and out but I didn’t submerge.
After we were back from the two hour trip we went to eat sea food at a beach front restaurant. It was a great topper for a great day.
Somewhere along the way my son got off on the topic that I sure am a lucky woman to have a husband that doesn’t dump me since I am such a sicko and so, well, useless.
He is fifteen and talks a lot. I don’t think he meant it to come out quite like it did.
But, in any case, it struck a chord in me and stoked up all of my darkest insecurities.
Now, after a week back at home, I am back to my usual whirlwind of teaching, cooking, cleaning, organizing, fixing,
and whatever else it is that I do. And, I am full of snot. Full to the brim with a sinusy, infectiony,
ouchy thing.
I knew it would hit me after the wild dolphin incident. It isn’t too bad and I can keep going.
I will live to see another day!
But, I do feel useless when I can only go until 6 p.m. without collapsing.
I do feel like a burden when I get tired of listening to everyone’s troubles.
I don’t want to wear out and snort about like a little piggy with a stuffed up nose and achy ears and the rest of it.
But, I enjoyed the trip that I planned and made happen. It was good.
Getting out of town is always worth it.
Jumping in and out of boats is also always worth it.
The smoked tuna dip with a touch of jalapeno was also worth it.
It just all comes out in some sort of strange cosmic equation that I cannot explain to someone that doesn’t have a chronic illness.
Smoky tuna dip + Boat + Wild dolphins + Seeing my family really happy + Sinus infection = Net gain.
I was never good at math but I can tell that solving for X is not happening here.
If snot were “X” and wild dolphins were “Y”….
Oh, never mind!