For the last several months I have been having episodes of Rip van Winkelism. I have been attributing it to just the wear and tear of living with the mess that is my body and going through the daily routine that is my crazy life.
I am beginning to think there is more to it than that.
Like, maybe it is all connected somehow..
Like circular… you know?
Dude….
Here is the cycle…
Katie goes about her daily life of: cooking, cleaning, managing, corralling, calling doctors, writing, trying to exercise, eat well, teach Samuel, be a good listener and if needed, adviser to various family members, being an attentive spouse and listening to her body’s ever-present whining.
Oh, yes, and driving everywhere, everywhere….
And this is not too bad.. really.
But then there are the nights. The nights really aren’t too good. At night there is the pain in the upper right quadrant of my gut. It is louder at night so I have to listen to it. And then, there is the itching. I itch all over. That is a liver thing as I understand it. It correlates to having stupidly high liver enzymes, which occur off and on and no one understands. Instead they just experiment on me and I am getting really, really tired of it.
Oh, and I am nauseous off and on.
So, after about a week of this, I pass out. I don’t just pass out: I can’t move. I am comatose for upwards of 20 hours at a time. I don’t drink, eat or pee.
It is like not existing.
When I finally awaken I feel like I have to make up for lost time. I also feel like I don’t even want to wake up.
I would rather just continue in my state of non-being.
The thought of getting up and facing whatever it is that is making me sick overwhelms me.
But, there are other thoughts; good ones.
I get up for those.
I want to kiss my family and pet my pets.
I want to see the sunshine and feel it warm my face.. all of that corny shit.
So, I do it again..
I set myself to rewind.
But I am beginning to wonder where it all leads. I am hoping against hope that a solution can be found so that I don’t have to lose a day. It would be much more efficient to just sleep at night, when everyone else is doing it!
So, I talked to the new Wunderartzt (Wonder Doctor), my internist, yesterday. She is really amazing. she is going to run interference with the liver specialist and speak to the immunologist and talk to the rheumatologist about the fatigue issue. She thinks all of my symptoms are related to being over medicated. I don’t think that is the answer to Everything but at least she is willing to tackle all the issues and work with me.
In the meantime I am going off of as many meds as I can.
I have no problem getting off of them. I hate taking handfuls of medications.
She sent me to the lab for a big blood draw for all kinds of tests yesterday.
The poor phlebotomist couldn’t get me to bleed but was persistent and finally managed so I left.
We shall see.