Uplift….

I chose my title carefully for this post. You see I have found my way back to some places I thought I would never go again.
I have found my way home to my relationship with my Higher Power as I understand Him/Her and I have returned to the 12 step group I call home.
All of this is new and different than before but so deeply satisfying. I have to do the footwork!
I have to reach out!
But, I am finding that when I do, even on a dark, dark day, there is a well spring that comes from some other place inside or outside of me. It gurgles and burgles with hope and light even when there is none.

Has this changed my diagnoses? No.
Has it changed the complexities of my life with several chronic illnesses, a family and a big house and lots of people and pets to care for? No.

But it is changing me.

And I just have to say, “Thank you, Lord! I had not planned on ever really coming back but you dragged me here anyway.” In addition to my 12 step group I am finding G-d in my heart, and love in bones in a new faith journey.

Each day unfolds in its own messy way. Hour by hour we chose how we will experience our lives; all of us.

For a Christian, the great leap of faith is to believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross for your personal salvation. That is a wonderful and amazing thing.

For me, the great leap of faith is that G-d is working in my life in new and different ways. I have been trying to listen, sometime with the sound turned down, for a long,long time.
I am being pulled farther and farther into the music, liturgy, language and wide ranging literature that makes up modern Judaism. It is like a smorgasbord. The faith and culture of my heart and of most of my family has brought me here.

I am finally home.

Am I all the way in and exactly where I want to be? No, of course not.
I like to jump into the deep end and see if I can swim and I can’t do that right now. I have to wait until I have the time and energy to concentrate on all I want to learn and experience.
My paramount responsibility right now is to my family. I am needed.
In the meantime, I read, I pray and I grow as much as I can.

I try to remember that my body and soul need constant care if I am to be up for the tasks ahead of me; today, tomorrow, the next day.

So, can I post another uplifting post on this blog next time? I don’t know!
I don’t make those sort of promises anymore. I just try to live the best life I can.
All I have to say today is here…
Shalom, Katie