I write today not from the top of mountain but not from the bottom of a valley either.
I think I am on the soft cleft of a hill. The kind that rolls between a landscape where things look pastoral and bucolic from the outside but if one is to examine them closely, they are teeming with all sorts of creepy crawlies.
Nothing is ever just a simple, sweet, rolling, green.
But, all of that being said, I think I will lie back for the day and try to enjoy it from this less than magnificent perch.
I am learning, albeit slowly, to find a place amongst the creepy crawlies.
After all, I am one of them!
Yesterday, as I had my throat swabbed for strep for the upteenth time this year, I had a sudden visual image of myself sitting there on the exam table with bug antennae sticking up through my hair.
My hair is generally pretty crazy these days anyway. I wonder if anyone would notice my antennae?
I let my mind wander further and could almost physically feel the hard shell of a beetle forming on my back. How useful it would be!
I could fend off my enemies and avoid being crushed by every little thing if I had a hard shell. If I could, I would choose a lilac colored shell with soft colored, orange spots.
My antennae would be pink with sparkles, of course.
Anyone (especially doctors) would know from looking at me that I am exotic.
I wouldn’t have to explain to them that I am different than the rest: that the tests don’t work or that my everything always hurts.
It would be so much easier.
When I am happy, I would give off a scent of lavender and produce bubbles from my antennae.
When in pain or unhappy, I would give off the scent of…. hmmmm…..
I don’t think I should finish that thought.
Anyway.
So today I am looking up at the world from my vantage point; the cleft in the hill.
I realize I am no more than a tiny, albeit exotic bug, but, I can still enjoy whatever is on offer today.
Will a giant called Life smash me with its equally giant and uncaring hiking boot as it strides across my spot?
I hope not.
I hate having to scrape myself back together.
I am running out of glue for my shell and you can really see the fracture lines where I have been put back together if you look closely.
But, Life and its giant hiking boot be damned.
I am going to lie here in all my glory: Fractured and patched, lilac and orange and with my sparkly pink antennae pointed towards the sounds of laughter.
Note from the author:
NO PSYCHOTROPIC MEDICATIONS WERE CONSUMED BEFORE WRITING THIS BLOG!