The Mind Is Willing….

I think any and everyone with a chronic illness or even a fleeting illness is faced with this: We have things we want to go out and do and then all our best laid plans fall through.

It is by no fault of our own that these things happen but they do anyway.
For one reason or the other, our bodies betray us at critical moments.
For me, it seems to happen every damned weekend lately.
I wait all week to have time with my husband and my family and then I spend the time in bed or worse, in ER.

It wears me down and chips away at my soul.
My mind has all sorts of fun and fulfilling things for me to do but my flesh..
This flesh is WEAK.

I have been writing a lot lately about how to come to an equilibrium of loving myself even though I am a spirit housed in this faulty body.

Some days I am more at peace with that than others.

Today is not really a peaceful day. It is not the worst day, but also not peaceful.

I am sitting here and infusing my gammaglobulin, hoping it will give me a burst of energy.

Maybe, I will make it out to brunch with my husband.

I feel like the world’s worst partner most of the time.

It is hard not to.

I don’t mean to whine here. I just feel tired and tired of being sick and I cannot stop wishing for better times.
These last three months or so have been rough.

This is normal for what I have: lots of ups and downs and new symptoms no one understands or can quantify.
I get tired of enumerating them for doctors who shake their heads and look at me like I really do have two heads.

So today I say Mi Shebieberach (prayer for health and healing) for myself and for all of us out there that need it.

Let’s get our hearts and minds in the game. Maybe we can drag our unwilling bodies along for the ride.