She’s Baaaaack!

I have not completed a single blog entry since my surgery date of August 16.  I have wanted to many times but just did not feel up to the task.

You see, the whole thing wound up to be quite different from what I had expected or hoped for.

I had a two week stay in Dallas for my pancreatitis in late July and early August.  Then, I was home for one week.  I honestly don’t remember much of anything about those two weeks.

I do remember the day we drove back to Dallas, checked into the hotel that is part of the Baylor medical complex ( it is awful and not worth the money or the convenience).

And then, it was lights out for me for the next two weeks:

I remember snippets of things and some stuff that was hallucination.  I also remember seeing my parents and Peyton (sweet girl) and that we were all discussing if I was going to stay with them or go back to where I was.  I distinctly heard Peyton say, “If you need me; I am here all the time.”  She had a nice, young man with her but he never said anything.

That was NOT a hallucination.

I remember my parents literally brushing over me… not in a physical hug of course, but in a manner that made me feel warm and feel their presence.  I heard my mom say as they left, “are you sure this is the right thing, Harold?”

Then dad said, “it is really her decision.  She will be okay.”

After that, the lights seemed to come on for a while.  I still had a breathing tube in me and I desperately wanted it out.

I was also very, very thirsty and confused.

It seemed forever but the breathing tube came out and I was able to suck little cubes (sponges) of water at the pace of one every four hours.

I lost consciousness again.  There were so many strange things going on in my head.  For a while I was absolutely convinced I was in a veterinary hospital.  I also thought the nurses where changing in and out of costumes and trying to trick me somehow.

I firmly believed that every time I got a shot of one pain killer, the nurse had to wrap the bed in string.

This is all so crazy town that I have been embarrassed about it.

Then , I remember the family coming to see me in ICU.  I had a lot of lines and machines attached but they had already taken out the catheter so I had to get up on a disgusting bed pan to pee.

From then  on, I was very conscious….too conscious.  I spent another two weeks there and was in pain most of the time.  I don’t think it had to be that way.  In fact, I think the hospital did a shit job of addressing my pain and nausea.  But, in other ways, they were fine.

So, what happened to me that caused all this pain and hospitalization?

After my laparoscopic gastric bypass, I got pneumonia.

Then, my belly started to swell and the doctor thought I might have some bleeding internally from the sites where he went in.  So, he took me back into surgery and checked all the laparoscopy sites.  There was no indication of bleeding.

The next day apparently things got really bad in the middle of the night.  From what I have been told, I got massively swollen and the doctor assembled a team at midnight on a Friday and they went in and this time it was through a big cut in my stomach.  The scar is impressive.   It starts at my mid waist and does a little u-turn thing around my belly button and then keeps going.

Apparently, my intestines were completely stuck together: strictures, he said.

They took out my entire intestines and washed and unglued them from one another.

So, when I finally returned home, on the 17th of September, I was still using a feeding tube and a wound vacuum.

Two weeks later we drove back to Dallas to see the surgeon and he removed my feeding tube, which was very painful, in the office.  He also unplugged my wound vacuum.

I went home and my son observed, ” you have been rejected by the Borg. ”

No joke!

I have never, ever been more grateful to have my own parts without other things draining and sticking out of me.

So today is Dec. 2.

I lived.

I have had ‘flu for over a week because I never got vaccinated and I am already sort of physically worn out.

Eating is very difficult but I have lost around 60 or more pounds.  I am well on my way to success in the weight loss department.

Has it fixed my pancreas?

No.  But it is helping.

I will never, ever go under into surgery again expecting a good or normal outcome.

I am too spooked.

My poor kids and husband have been through the wringer with me and we are all tired.

I am just ready to move on from this.  But, for some reason I guess I needed to blog the whole damned thing.  Now that I have done this, maybe I can let it all go a bit.

I am sorry if this was boring but I really, really hope that I can let go of the rope it has had around me for months and I can began writing more interesting things again.

Shalom …. dear reader.