Vaccine Blues and Hopeful Days

I am of two minds just now… like many of us, I imagine.  I am so tired of being quarantined by this effing plague that I have started screaming at inantimate objects, but I am also trying each and every day to find a vaccine for myself.  Due to the ineptitude of our federal and state governments, I can’t find a vaccine anywhere.   Damn.  I just want enough immunity so I can be like the ‘normal’ people in the plague.  I will wear my mask, wash my hands and go out to more places than I have been to since last March.  Alas, I don’t know when that will be.

Whatever.  Yes, I am grumpy.  My lupus is in full swing and it is telling me to go to bed and die.  It hurts everywhere and I am fatigued most of the time.  But, I don’t listen to it anymore.  I started a new medication last week that lowers my immunity further (yeah!) but might make me feel better.  I have to try.  So far I have not felt any effects other than nausea and pains in my stomach.  But, my online tutoring gig started today so I am up and creeping along and trying to do what I can.  I am probably making things worse by over exercising whenever I feel a bit better.  I need the work out to dampen the depression.

I know there are others in much worse shape than me.  My heart constricts for the 330, 000 dead (just in this country!) and those they left behind.  And I pray for those that have the disease currently and are praying to just recover.  This monster is so big and we have had so few good weapons to fight it that it is just overwhelming.  I am praying and I am talking to a lot of good people trained to keep my mental  and spiritual health together.  I hope others are too.

I am angered beyond belief that my 21 year old son attends a state college where they refuse to comply with safety standards for Covid 19.  They risk his life, mine, and others  without asking.  I will make certain they hear from me on this matter.

And yet, I think we have a little reason for hope on the horizon.    Tomorrow Joe Biden and Kamala Harris will be sworn in to the offices of President and Vice President.  They have a plan to roll out the vaccines and help our economy and ramp up help to beleaguered hospitals.   I really hope they can get their work done and that all of the states comply.  There should be no such thing as a ‘red’ or ‘blue’ state at this moment in time.  There are states with PEOPLE in them.   These people are all of our loved ones, and they are us.  We have to stop this beast as soon as we can.  I feel like we have been fighting on so many fronts for so long that we have forgotten what ‘normal’ even looks like.

I am praying for all of us to join together and pray for forgiveness for our anger and hatred of one another’s views.  I pray for trust to replace mistrust.  I pray for health instead of death and sickness.  I pray for the men and women serving on the frontlines in the hospitals, many of whom have been ill and have died from their jobs.

Lord let us recover as a nation of people and help us move on.