How to do this Write

Well, readers, I have been on a learning curve.  It is steep, long and contains some pretty big switchbacks.  I am trying to learn about how to edit and publish a book.  I have a relatively easy time with some part of the process, i.e. I like to write and I don’t even mind the editing part too much. But the whole process of sending a book out for publication has grown quite complicated in the digital age.

There are at least 5 or 6 different ways to go about it and they all have pros and cons.  It is a bewildering forest where I cannot see the sky for all the trees. However, I do have some road maps.  I have an online aquaintance that has published 14 (soon more) books of fiction and she has written a great deal to me explaining all of the plusses and minuses of the  various ways to go about it.  So, I am going to go carefully down one road and see where it leads.  If it leads to a dead end, I will just try another.  I have to remember, there is no talking GPS here!

To that end and due to some other flashing red lights that I will talk about in a minute, I am going to take the summer off of work again.  I feel like my body, soul, and mind are all screaming at me to slow down.  I find that screaming really annoying so I have been telling it to shut the heck up for several months now.  I mean, come on!  I work half time FROM HOME.  How difficult can it be?  My children are grown.  I should have all the time in the world, right?

Yeah, no:  It doesn’t work that way.  It would seem that chronic fatigue is alive and well in my mixed up connective tissue/lupus addled, primary immune challenged body.  I really, really find the more I fight it out with myself the worse it becomes.  Intellectually I know this.  I have certainly heard it often from my loved ones.  But there are some voices in my head that say differently, ” Katie, if you give in, you won’t get anything done, ever.  Your life will dwindle into nothing but that of a sad couch potato.  DID YOU HEAR ME? GET UP AND MOVE, BITCH!”

Yep.  That’s kinda what I hear.  And I don’t just hear that voice; I have deep and solemn respect for it because part of it seems true.  I lost so much time being sick for years that I cannot get back that I am determined not to have that happen again.  I always have a nagging sense that I am operating on extra time. So, maybe that is natural considering where I have been.  But when I stop and examine what I really want from life, you know, bucket list items, being an online tutor that doesn’t make much difference in the household budget really isn’t high on the list.

My pride is getting in the way here. I had planned to be in a different place at this point in my career and life.  I had hoped to be a financial contributor of substance.  I studied hard and worked hard to learn skills that I knew would never make me rich, but would, I hoped, pay for a few things.  That just didn’t happen.

However, what did happen is that my husband and partner of 36 years made some good choices and those choices have led him to making a really good income that has allowed us to lean heavily on his work, and him, to bring home the bacon.  For this, I am eternally grateful

And now I am going to wander off on a tanget so you are forewarned: TANGENT AHEAD: SELECT ALTERNATE ROUTE IF YOU WISH TO GO AROUND.

Covid these days is really frustrating if you are in my situation, or if you are elderly or  have a tiny child, etc.  Case counts are dropping, which is wonderful, yet some of us  still have to be cautious despite our vaccination status.  We cannot relax as those around us have.  Over two years into this pandemic and I personally feel like I have been left behind.  I don’t want to tell people, “You can’t come over because I don’t know if you have it. ” Instead, I watch others resume all activities, such as eating inside restaurants , when it is a risk for someone like me.  I am sick and tired of this too! Yet, I understand that no one should have to stand still and alter their lives to protect me at this point: except my husband, who does and for that I love him unreservedly.  Life has to go on.  I just don’t want to miss it!

OK. I am done with my tangent.

Moving on, I realize that getting something published is pretty important to me.  I AM going to make it happen.  I am going to take the summer off of work and not feel at all guilty about it.  I will get my writing out there, birth it, and see what happens.  I will start the journey towards becoming a Spiritual Director, as I have mentioned before, and see where that leads.

I don’t picture myself as a full time writer.  I also don’t picture myself as a full time Spiritual Director.  I don’t know that I can do anything full time or even part time, based on my current work experience.  The only full time thing I can do consistenly is work on myself.  I have to get to doctor’s appointments, take zillions of meds and be nice to myself.

I guess that’s not so bad, really.

It is all in the way you view each day, right?