Today is a fine day for me. I am in Colorado visiting my daughter and son in law in beautiful Colorado Springs. The weather is lovely. We walked around the Broadmoor and saw the Helen Hunt Falls. We followed that up with a delicious meal at one of the many local brew pubs in town.
There is absolutely nothing to be sad about in my day.
And yet, here I am feeling as though my soul has been ripped out.
Oh yeah, I open my email and read my favorite Rabbi’s (Danya Ruttenberg’s “Life is a Sacred Text” blog post for today). I knew what today was. I had been marking the days. I knew the high holy days and the anniversary of the horror of last year in Israel on this day would converge.
My feelings, like anyone’s, are complicated. But they are complicated by the fact that I am a Jew in a sea of non-Jews: It’s awkward.
Rabbi Ruttenberg writes about grief and she writes about binary thinking, about the idea that the only “good” type of Jew is the one who is against everything that Israel is doing because it is so obviously bad. It isn’t that simple. I feel the effects of that though. I am a liberal, an intellectual and I am a pacifist.
I am horrified by all of the killing in Gaza. I feel sickened by the spread of the war into Lebabnon. I want to cry out and scream when I see the bloodied bodies of children pasted across the evening news.
I think I feel ashamed. And underneath that I feel angry and and deeper down I feel frightened.
Being a Jew just now is a scary proposition. I cannot wear anything that identifies me. My star of David necklace is put away. I cannot comfortably mention my holidays or my feelings about the war in Israel in mixed company. I always feel as though I am looking over my shoulder becasue I am the only one like me.
The pictures in the media are constant reminders of exactly what all of these these terrible, bloodthirsty Jews are capable of. These bloodthristy Jews who are going overboard in retribution for a massacre that killed just under 2,000. Where is the scale here? What are they doing? The hostages should be freed by now.
And on and on and on drones the news.
And yet: The U.N. has had difficulty aknowleging that war crimes took place on that day even though people were sexually assaulted and mutilated as they were murdered in their homes and safe places.
Hamas and Hezbollah and Iran are all agreed: The only goal is the eradication of Israel from the face of the earth.
What exactly is Israel supposed to do?
What would any other nation do?
I don’t think this should have ever happened. Some piece of Israeli intelligence massively screwed up. I think Netanyahu is a bad prime minister and he needs to go. A great deal of this is his fault.
But all of this bloodshed did happen and it will continue happen as long as Israel exists because it is the only democracy in the Middle East and for some reason I do not understand everyone hates Jews.
I want this to be over. I know everyone that lives in Israel, Gaza, the West Bank, Lebanon and Iran probably wants this over.
Please, G-d in heaven, let this be over. Your children, Jewish, Muslim, Christian, they all worship you. Let them see their not their differences but their similarities. Let them notice not what belongs to one of them but share openly what belongs to all of them and understand that their homeland is a gift. If they grasp one another by the hand and look into the eys of a neighbor, then they will find peace and then they will see You.