This past thirty seven hours or so have been nice. My daughter came home from college. I had not seen her in almost a month. I am new to this whole, ‘grown child’ thing. I mean, she is not really grown; she is a first semester college freshman. But, she is a fledgling. This had been her longest solo flight yet.
She is doing well and I am proud. I also miss her terribly.
I still have plenty on my plate at home. My fourteen year old son is full of challenge, as are the five pets, the spouse and the house and the chronic illness. But, that special mommy/daughter thing has been missing.
I am a GIRLY GRRL!!!! You cannot talk about hairstyles with two men in the house!
But, I let her go again. She went back out into the unknown and took another piece of me with her. This time she is riding back to her University, ninety odd miles away, with a friend I don’t know, from a drop off point where I did not do the drop off (my husband did). I have let go.
Is it crazy that I took a great big sniff of her hair before she left? Or that I made her promise to call me when she got to her dorm? Three times?
I pushed myself, health wise, this weekend. I wanted to spend as much time with her as she would give me.
As I write all of this I feel like a crazy, over protective, Jewish mother. I guess I am. But I am trying so hard to not say much and to not hover over her.
I don’t even call her much.
Why do children, pieces of ourselves, have to be so damned difficult? We birth them and work so, so hard to raise them, and then we work hard to to let them become responsible adults on their own.
I just pray I am doing a decent job of it. I feel as though the best parts of myself; my very vitality is in them and no longer in me. Perhaps that is not a good thing.
Oh well! No more philosophy from this corner. I long ago crossed into Earth mother territory. There is no going back!
Bring all the little children and I’ll feed them, fuss over them and listen to their troubles. I love them all.