Just Enough Time For a Quickie

So, today is the day.  Or, at least it is another of those days.  I am having a second ERCP.  I had one in early January and it was really, really hard but it seemed to work.  The dr. cut a hole in my biliary duct, released a lot of pressure and slime and put in a stent.  As soon as I got over being really sore, it felt good.

Then the stent came out. And, it hurt like hell again.

So, today we do it again, with a longer stent and hope it holds up.  If so, I go to Houston for a more permanent stenting procedure in my pancreas.  It is a bit dangerous but could get me more long term relief.

I was scheduled for tomorrow a.m. but the dr. got me into his schedule for this afternoon because I am miserable.   I appreciate that.

I have not had anything to eat or drink all day and it is now 2:00.  I am thirsty and nauseated and in pain.  I want this over with as soon as possible.

I am a bit scared.  I wish I didn’t have to do this again.

I feel like I am getting ready to stand in the middle of traffic and hope nothing hits me but I don’t see any alternatives.  I have to be brave.  I have to keep smile on to keep my family believing that I am fine.

My son is upset and I can’t let him see me stumble.

Only when that sweet hiss of stuff goes to my mouth and veins will I let down.