So, a week ago today I was in Houston, checked into St. Luke’s Episcopal hospital in the medical center. That place is really kick ass.
The don’t mess around with pain meds or what you can eat or when you need a test or losing your urine or any of those deeply embarrassing things that happen at other places. The dr. I saw in Houston did not mess about either.
He agreed it was logical to place the pancreatic stent and see if it would help. First, he had to:
1. Remove the second biliary stent.
2. Decide on the spot whether or not to inject dye into my pancreas.
3. Cut the pancreas and insert a stent.
I decided the risk of infection and failure were worth it and gave him the go ahead. He was kind and had me admitted for comfort care right there and then and I had some imaging studies done at 4:00 am on Tuesday morning after checking in on Monday evening.
So, he did his stuff and I have a temporary stent in my pancreas that will fall out in a a week or four. If it does not fall out, he has to retrieve it so I am counting on the fall out thing.
How do I feel? Sore. Tired. Overwhelmed. Scared.
If this doesn’t work, I am out of luck.
Also, I don’t remember a fucking thing from last week. I was drugged out of my mind and did not have anyone with me for most of the time. My friend and sister’s sister in law, Feiga, came in when I had the surgery, but I cannot remember much of that. My cousin was there a couple of times and got me milk shakes and we talked. I just don’t know for sure what we talked about.
So, I am anxious to see the doctor again and hear whatever it is he already told me. My husband says I told him we (the doctor and I) had a long conversation and I reported it back to him. The deal is, those drugs are like a mind swipe.
So, one day at a time. Today is better than yesterday and so forth.
I do know there were some very, very kind people there. I have never ever felt so warm and fuzzy about a hospital, and that is not just the drugs talking!
Life has been crystallized to its barest essentials for me once again. All I want is my little piece of relative health and happiness back.
I want time to be with my husband and children. Time.
I have felt lately like maybe there isn’t too much time. Melodramatic much? I don’t know. It is just a feeling.
I just need to get over myself. Time, it just all takes time.