Body Blah

I wonder if anyone else with chronic illness has this problem.  I am so frustrated with the way I look.  This is nothing new with me.  I have had body image issues and eating disorder issues for most of my life.  I was just sort of hoping at this point I could let some of it go. After all, I should be glad for the days when I can actually get up and move, much the less worry about my weight or my lack of muscle tone.

But I do.

I always, always, feel I am doing something wrong.

Right now I am taking a tiny dose of prednisone every day just to keep going.  I think it is playing havoc with my appetite. I want OFF the prednisone but without it the fatigue and pain make it tough to function at all.  Is there a compromise here?  I don’t know.  Until I get my infusions back, I don’t know what to do.

I need to follow my eating plan.

I need to go to the gym.

I feel a failure.

I am sabotaging myself in so many ways and yet I cannot seem to forgive myself.

Does anyone out there have this problem or is it just me?

2 Replies to “Body Blah”

  1. I am also overweight but somehow I’ve been able to let it go. You mentioned that you do read the stuff on fat shaming and positive body image. For me, faking it til you make it has somewhat worked. I fight for it. I work hard on insisting that other people don’t give me grief about my weight. Maybe if I insist other people not to care I can start to not care myself. It’s not that I don’t care. It’s just that after I got sick I started gaining weight. I have energy and I only have so much of it. I feel like it’s better to spend that energy on forigiving myself about the weight thing than to add to the pile of things I hate about my body. I feel like my body is failing me in so many ways right now I have to concentrate on things I can control. I can’t control my weight right now so I have to just let it go, let it go, let it go. I find strength in reading about others’ struggles and how they compensate for being overweight.

    1. Good point! I come and go from this as well. I just know my body would be better if it were thinner. I sometimes get periods of lovely clarity where I am no longer hungry. I think it is mostly emotional state plus meds plus genetics. I will never be thin but I want to cause my body the least trouble I can. I keep hoping it will work better!!!
      I hope you are feeling better. Your kitty is beautiful. I had a persian growing up and love kitties.

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