It’s my birthday and I’ll bitch if I want to!

So, today is the day.  I am officially another year older.  As my dear friend and beloved mentor used to say, “It beats the alternative.”

She made it to 71 despite all of her health problems.

I am keeping her advice in mind today.  The last thing I want to have is a pity party for myself.  But I do have to admit to being a bit downy in the dumpsies.

At this point, after nine hospitalizations in six months, four surgeries and four removals of surgical doo-hickeys, I am still not well:   That makes me want to curl up and just sleep until it is over.

I can’t do that, obviously.  Besides, I have another avenue to explore with yet another team of doctors.  This is what they mean when ‘they’ talk about not giving up.

The next stop: Katie’s liver.  It seems that all this pain and ill health may not be my pancreas at all.  Maybe it is my liver, slowly giving way to my immune system’s melt down.  I won’t list the symptoms, here.  Let’s just say, it’s not nice.

I have one doctor who seems determined to keep looking into this and is going to refer me to another teaching hospital.  This week I have been gathering tests and evidence and my own research into the problem.  He called me on a Sunday, (nice guy!) and told me to fax it all to him tomorrow so he can look at it and see what our next step should be.

I really, really appreciate that.  But I also know not to hope for too much.

Where is God in all of this?

Frankly, Scarlet, I don’t know.

I have faith that there is a God but I don’t think that God is really into helping me out just now. I have to walk this road alone to wherever it leads.

I could really use some super natural strength because I am completely out of my own kind.  But, there is no choice but to put one swollen foot in front of the other.

Again, a depressing blog.

I feel badly about that but I just cannot do any better.

There are bright spots.  I love my family and the new dog and lots and lots of things.  I got to drive a new CRV today ( a loaner while my van is back in the shop) and I really, really liked it,

I am such a car freak!.

So maybe I will hit the open road and drive until I am out of gas.  That is a pretty apt metaphor for my life just now.

Just drive…….