I am mother.
I am wife.
I am niece.
I am sister.
I am aunt.
I am not much of anything at this point.
But, it doesn’t really matter anymore. I do my thing. I care for others and I fall asleep. I go to the store and buy the groceries.
I try to keep myself facing forwards at all times.
No time to stumble.
I have to lead the little army although I am just a tiny, crooked snail.
I leave a little trail of of wet, disappointing slime wherever I go.
But, you know, who cares?
I see lots of other snails, sliming along their trails.
We slowly turn our awkward little heads,
Reach out our antennae and acknowledge one another.
Silently we transmit: “Should we all just drown ourselves in a beer?”
Then one of us say,s “No dear. We can’t. There is too much work to be done here.”
So, we trudge along. All of us.
Wives, mothers, sisters, daughters, aunts,
Snails.
I don’t.
You don’t.
We won’t.
Stop.
Even when our shells feel too tight and we run the risk of being stepped on.
“It isn’t fair! It isn’t right!” We chant in squeaky protest.
But it really doesn’t matter what we think.
After all, we are only snails.
Mothers.
Sisters.
Wives.
Nieces.
Daughters.
Others.
We keep sliming along.
To the store.
Making dinner.
Washing clothes.
Goodness knows… the life of a snail is hard, just like her shell.
But inside is she is gooey, wet, so slimy and very, very, fragile.
Katie ~ This is Kelly Sayegh from our mutual FB CVID group. I wanted to take a moment to tell you that I think your blog is the best I’ve read on illness anywhere. I’m sitting here with tears in my eyes, shaking my head in agreement with so much that you’ve written.
Thank you for being such a good voice for those of us that feel like we have lost ours along the way, dealing with this disease.
Kelly, I am so glad that my heart touched yours in this way. I really pour myself out here and sometimes it can be a bit frightening. I always feel like it is for a reason when I know it is helpful to someone else. Thanks!
I love this! Can I copy and paste it? Just kidding… I feel exactly like this all the time and I don’t even have anything like what you have. I think you’ve really captured a feeling here eloquently. I really love the part about turning the head slowly and waving antennas at other snails. You sort of recognize others that are in a predicament like yours. Your writing is excellent. Keep going!
Amy, you have always been so sweet about my writing. I can’t even tell you how much it means.